That Happened Fast

Serenity to shame - and what came next

A moment of serenity turned into shame in seconds — but the lesson I took from it changed everything.

The Shower Realization

I felt like a piece of shit. At least in that moment. It was fitting that I happened to be in the shower when the realization hit.

Thank God the dark feeling didn’t last. More on that later.

It hit me out of the blue how badly I behaved. Couldn’t believe I acted that way. I did not recognize myself. Embarrassing to say the least.

The Near Miss

You see, I finally had the wind at my back cycling faster than normal down a deserted Skagit Valley country road.

My eyes routinely scanned an isolated intersection coming up quickly. The white SUV wanted to cross and obediently stopped at the stop sign. Unbelievably, they didn’t see me pulling out and putting us on a collision course.

Fortunately I braked hard and dismounted in plenty of time. The lady driver also came to a dead stop in the middle of the road.

I did the only reasonable thing and gestured wildly while yelling at her. I now realize she probably felt terrible and just wanted me to go first to get things moving again.

I had stopped in high gear and getting clipped in and rolling again would take too long.

I waved her on in animated fashion and she finally proceeded to cross the road.

I finished our encounter yelling into her lowered window as she sheepishly passed by.

Shame in the Shower

The shame welled up in the shower a couple hours later. Why would I yell at a fellow traveler for simply not seeing me? It was an innocent thing we all have experienced. 

How did I get so righteous? Despite my aspirations to judge not, I failed to see the board in my own eye.

You see, as I continued to try and wash the guilt off, another convincing insight seized my mind.

The Light I Didn’t Use

I foolishly failed to take personal responsibility for my own visibility. I repeatedly, consciously decided against the standard practice of a white blinking light in front.

My reasoning was sound, or so it seemed. The red flasher in the back is enough, I mostly ride lightly trafficked rural roads and don’t want the drag or weight of a front light. After all, we are talking 76 grams here. In addition, the slick aero light I would have wanted seemed expensive at $53.

From Folly to Gift

Just when the combined folly of my behavior was humbling me hard, thoughts raced off in a completely different direction.

It was all a gift. I have an opportunity to learn and most importantly repent… positioning me for a better future. Repent means to change direction, to change our ways. I can do that. So can you.

A Better Way Forward

I mentally rehearsed future encounters with errant drivers. I felt redeemed somehow picturing the forgiving response I committed to in that moment. I would be gracious next time. It would feel good.

I also ordered the common sense front light and just now enjoyed programming and installing it.

My shame evolved into feeling grateful I messed up, experienced some discomfort and am ready to do better next time.

Your Turn

What can you stop feeling bad about? We all have our moments.

How can you build a better tomorrow learning from experience and reflection? 

Repentance, changing your ways, is an opportunity available to each of us.

Some repentance such as turning away from addictions can be literally life-saving.

But here is something important most people miss. Repentance does not need big circumstances to do its magic. Small things can be a big deal, especially when added together. One little improvement at a time.

Imagine blending experience and reflection to move towards your best self, one little opportunity at a time. You can do it. Enjoy the journey.

With love and support,
Craig